Saturday, November 27, 2004
sian. wanna get a new blog skin soon... *sigh*
just stuck in limbo. even though the a's are kinda over it still doesnt feel like anything significant has happened, it just flew by so fast. and i think i made a huge mess of it in the process.
not even counting the remaining papers, which i while wanting to study for it, cant bring myself to study for it either. everything is so pointless.
cant really bring myself to do much in particular. at least my comp is up and running. maybe some weird alien sense of normalcy can be achieved.
i feel like a schizo. living two distinct lives.. one in the company of others, and the other as lonely as i'll always be.
or so it seems, at 11:30 PM
Monday, November 22, 2004
spinning a thread that gets thinner and thinner.
and then to hang on it.
there's almost nothing left to keep me going.
almost.
or so it seems, at 10:09 PM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
bleh. its things continue at this rate i dont know whats gonna happen. halfway through econs.. all i could think of was 'what if i dont get into uni'... sigh lit and econs are already looking bad. geog doesnt promise much either.. just have this really bad feeling tt it wont be much different from prelims.
anyhow really tired now... sleeping early has helped though.. i think my pimples are fading too! heh. sigh.
You broke the night like the sun
and healed my heart with Your great love
any trouble i couldn't bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders
love that's stronger
love that covers sin
and takes the weight of the world
i love You
all of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ, take my life
take all of me
You stand on mountaintops with me
with You i walk through the valleys
You gave Your only son for me
Your grace is all i rely on
i love you so, and i give up my heart to say
i need You so, my everything.
there's no other way i'd be able to carry on otherwise.
with the knowledge that i'm not alone. and i dont just mean God..
thats more than enough for me. =)
or so it seems, at 1:01 AM
Monday, November 15, 2004
cracking apart. tearing at the seams.
argh how i hate lit. i hate it to the core. after tmrw everything will be so much more relaxed.
why am i doing s-lit :s *sigh* memorising quotes is just disgusting.
okae maybe i dont hate lit.. i just hate e1. shakespeare and dickens is fun to read, but once u have to memorise quotes and formulate themes and concepts, second-guessing the authors intent. it just kills the experience.
so this is what our education boils down to.
a few more days of examination hell.
time to fly.
or so it seems, at 10:01 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2004
the o.c... lalala! =) episode 2 baby.
sigh. wasting our lives away studying. nights like these just make you wonder... and wonder haha. and i'll continue wondering once im done watching hahaha
okie its over... vintage o.c.. sigh i really love this show.
anyhow things getting really tight now.. exams in like what, 2-3days now? its weird, but somehow looking back... the past 2 years have changed so much, and yet changed so little. dont really know how to explain it... but i guess tt its like, the hardest thing in the world is figuring out what you really want in this life. and yet the most important thing is what comes in the next. for me its never been so much the tangible material stuff.. i mean sure, tt stuff rocks, i'll take as much as i can, but at the end of the day is does pretty much nothing. i still come home the same, with or without whatever things i have. it all probablys sounds v ambiguous and vague, but thats just exactly how life is. nothing is certain except the fact that.. you gotta take what comes your way with the understanding that.. sometimes things dont work out the way you think they should, but ultimately there always do.
thats what faith's all about. things always end up the way they should. its not about what we want, what we desire. thats the way God works. its all about whats best for us.. even if it hurts so much.
maybe i'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
maybe i'm afraid of the way i love you
maybe i'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
and hung me on a line
maybe i'm amazed at the way i really need you
...
maybe i'm amazed at the way your'e with me all the time
maybe i'm afraid of the way i need you
maybe i'm amazed at the way you helped me sing my song
and right me when im wrong
maybe i'm amazed at the way i really need you
really love this song... Jem rocks!!! i love my o.c. mix 2. =)
or so it seems, at 10:50 PM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
feeling abit out of it now.. *sigh* really smacked me today when i saw everyone going for history and coming back... with maths tmrw as well. and there i was sitting at the void deck slacking around.. albeit with econs notes infront of me. but still it just struck me hard. this is what the past 2 years just boil down to. some stupid ridiculous exams that will test me on useless information that will probably not help me at all in life. sure i guess its not the information we learn but the processes we experience going through it.. kinda ironic isnt it. the only thing we are learning is how to learn, but we do so on a damn crappy syllabus. it always just comes down to how useful such info will be in life. i mean some stuff is interesting, and its fun to know why the sky is blue, or how east coast park ended up the way it is today. and yeah reading hard times and shakespeare can be quite interesting to. but why do i need to remember bloody quotes just so i can blab it back to examiners who KNOW the quotes in the first place? its really ridiculous, especially cos i know that i'll just forget everything the moment the paper is over, nothing will stay with me because there is just a complete lack of interest in knowing that in act 2 scene 1 pompey comments that his stirring 'can from the lap of Egypt's widow pluck/The ne'er-lust-wearied Antony.' like wow, life changing knowledge.
i think thats the main problem with me =p everything has to be like this big drama.. once reason i like tv shows so much, they just present a world where everything is exciting, relevant, appealing. i guess we have to except that 'hey, sometimes real life is just plain boring.' what makes it tough is knowing that it doesnt have to be, its just that i've conformed to the system. do i appreciate that its probably gonna help me future? that i'm where i am today because i've been truly blessed? yah... but there's still that nagging that i'm not free. regardless of how fortunate i might be.
are we trapped because we're stuck in the system, or trapped because we trap ourselves. tt's probably the worse possible scenario, realising that your'e only trapped because you believe you are. sigh its really useless to be able to consider all of this, its like being metaphysical and all and yet still being unable to really figure out which situation your'e in and what its all about. whats the use of be able to 'realise' all of the possibilities when u cant choose one? i guess certainty is something that everyone needs.
its like having all these wonderful dreams about flying through the sky, reaching past the clouds to the stars, of having the simple goal of finding just that perfect moment, the love that just means so much and in a sense will complete you. and yet you find yourself lagging behind, the clouds are grey and foreboding, your dream always avoiding your grasp, and even then u dont know if you've really found it, or just images and visions of what could but yet never will be. crushed because of your own over-enthusiasm and desire. love is stronger than desire, but can you tell the difference?
just to be free, is all i wanna be.
for all the lies i've tasted
just looking for the truth
for all the dreams i'm chasing
well what am i to do
when everything's against me
and the answers are all wrong
im hoping that i'll find out
it was worth it all along
so hold me now
and says its not forever
cause i know someday
in time
things will go my way
call it naivety. call it blind-hope, blind faith. but the knowledge that its all in His plan is enough for me.. thats knowing that things are, in a sense, already going my way =)
with faith.
or so it seems, at 1:32 AM
Sunday, November 07, 2004
wah choi i just lost my first post ever. damn blogger!! *grumble grumble*
anyway just had a horrible stomach ache -_- the kind tt makes u wanna go arheeeejukokolallelemamamnoioihiohoihiohouwwwwwjidannnnbasket!!!! haha okae i haf no idea what that is. must be the nasi lemak i had for dinner :s anyway!
went to sch to study today! (finally dragged myself out of 'the slack haven' i.e. my home) haha was damn amusing the way ppl study.. lying flat on the bench, crouching on the bench, squatting on the main dry riser inlet (fire thingy) strutting on the void deck tables.. and walking around zombie-esque with discman in hand hahaha. sigh i'll really miss school when its all over.
hmm maybe its the jus-tea that i drank... ashley its your fault im addicted to this :s okae maybe not addicted but still =p
but good news! the o.c. is back baby!! okae tt deserves special mention
THE O.C. IS BACK!!! *hello sunshine...*
hehe =) four super long months of waiting is over!! and i musttt get the mix 2 and 3!! like, ewwww! i dont have it yet! and the damn holland v music junction is gone. sigh. ahhh i cant wait. californiaaaaaaaaaa... californiaaaaaaaaaa! HERE WE COME!
haha pam the dyke! tts really funny =) like, paul van dyk... pam van dyke! that can be your dj-ing moniker ;)
welcome to the o.c bitch!*grin* summmmmeeerrrrr has arrived ;)
or so it seems, at 11:29 PM
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
and with faith..
thats all i need.
or so it seems, at 10:28 PM
